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Homemade And Even Handed

by Jerry Axson

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1.
Hearts Get Broken 03:58
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Hearts Get Broken ©Jerry Axson You talk about the loving, it goes straight to my head, the pushing and the shoving, I think I’m better off dead, She packs a pistol and a whip boy, swinging left to the right, and it’s a matter of opinion, if I’ll make it through the night, Hearts get broken - it’s just a matter of time, you’ve got your story baby - and, I’ve got mine... Hearts get broken - and it’s a crying shame, no doubt about it - both of us are to blame... She’s turning down the covers, just to tie me up, I’m nothing but a reflex action, enough to fill her cup, whatever happed to the patience girl, I’m just a n,n,nervous wreck, they’re calling in the long, black hearst, but I’m not gone yet, Shhhhhh... Oooooo yeah... Your heart baby... my heart too... balanced on a fine line... and when we get through...
2.
“F” Is For Fun 04:06
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“F” Is For Fun ©Jerry Axson If “F” is for fun - why could I just die inside?, I’ve got a hole in my heart girl - as big as a Texas sky, You never tell me what’s going on inside your head - it keeps me guessing right up to your big brass bed... If “F” is for fun then “H” is for heart, “G” is for girl as she breaks it apart - a million pieces scattered all around, “F” is for falling a long way down... You say you want me, you say you need me - but you lead me on, I’m not a puppet, I’m not a voyeur - I’m not a lyric to this song, You never tell me what’s going on inside your head - it keeps me guessing right up to your big brass bed... If “F” is for fun then “H” is for heart, “G” is for girl as she breaks it apart - a million pieces scattered all around, “F” is for falling a long way down...down...down...
3.
A Swirl Of Colors 03:35
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A Swirl Of Colors ©Jerry Axson She wants to dance with the boys downstairs - all night long... She makes herself up in the mirror fare - while she sings this song... Her momma told her - if you don’t slow down, you’ll be the ruin of me... but she can’t help it - she can’t control it, she just wants to see - if there’s a place in this world for a girl like her... Just a spec on a sandy beach - a warm impression in an empty bed, a figment of someones imagination, a swirl of colors running through my head... She stole my heart when I wasn’t thinking - I fell so hard... if red means stop why does green keep blinking she won’t get far... It’s in her blood - under her skin - she’ll be the ruin of me... but she can’t help it - she can’t control it, she’s just got to see -
4.
Heart (Motion At Rest) 05:32
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Heart (Motion At Rest) ©Jerry Axson I hear your heart beat my dear, as you lay on my chest, pressed on my chest, against my chest, against my chest... your breath is warm on my skin, it draws out then in, without and within, motion at rest, motion at rest... So slow the waves roll over then out to sea, back out to sea, cycle redundant, cycle redundant... Here in this vacuum of space, I hold your face, I see your face, so despondent, so despondent... Time won’t wait for our love, it floats high above, just out of reach, so out of reach, so out of reach... I have lost you my love, some time ago, I just have not let go, inside my heart, inside my heart... Goodbye...
5.
This Love So Far 06:30
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This Love So Far ©Jerry Axson I want to love a perfect girl - she’ll keep me warm in a cold world, where the lonely wait outside closed doors, or wash up on some distant shore, I have a place in my empty heart, for her to come and make a start, I’m so useless in this modern age, open me and turn the page... I need to know this love is real... I need truth in the way you feel... it’s a battle each day to make it all work out... This love so far - is all that I’ve known... the chains ‘round my heart - are all I’ve been shown... I’ve been around enough to see - it takes faith to set you free, in a world of sorrow bound to pain, there’s nothing left but a sad refrain, it’s like no one ever gets through, like nothing will ever really do, you’re center stage in some tragic play, and this show goes on it’s inevitable way... If it gets too tough do you think we’re gonna’ make it? if it’s just a little broke will you leave it and forsake it? I’ve always been told it takes a whole lot to make it... it takes a lot to make it girl...
6.
River Too Wide (River Too Deep) 06:32
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River Too Wide (River Too Deep) ©Jerry Axson I can’t find my way... no, I can’t find my way back... Well, I went to cross the river but the water she rises high today - guess I’ll come back tomorrow - cause tomorrow’s always another day, I’ll be standing on the shore with my heart in my hand - you’ll be sure to see me there but you won’t understand - so close and yet so far away... I can’t find my way... no, I can’t find my way back... I’ve been waiting in the shadows here for twenty seven long years - Well I lost a lot of hope, took a lot of hits, cried a whole lot of tears, It never seems the same when you’re on the other side - there ain't much difference between ignorance and pride - that much I know is crystal clear... I can’t find my way back... no, I can’t find my way back... I can’t find my way back... a river too wide - a river too deep... no, I can’t find my way back... lay me down in this water and let me sleep... I can’t find my way back... I will dream a dream of sweet release... no, I can’t find my way back... from a river too wide - a river too deep...
7.
Lights On The Carousel 04:03
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Lights On The Carousel ©Jerry Axson I paid my money to ride on the Carousel, it was late but the lights were hypnotizing, a million colors whirled around the Carousel, I tried to look away but it was so inviting, Pay my token, saddle up on the great white horse, his stance is wild and there’s timeless fire in his eyes, if I can just hold on we could steady this course, my heart races as fast as he flies... and I don’t want to lose us but I can’t help feeling - if I don’t wake up soon I’ll end up dealing, with a broken me and a broken you - what was once one now becomes “the two”, so the lights go down and the Carousel dies, the cold wind blows out the life in my eyes... We paid our money and we rode on the Carousel, we went around and around and around and around, I was so afraid but you could never tell, we lay so still and quiet without a sound, and I thought I saw you on the Carousel, just ahead of me and Oh, so out of reach, I wondered what was going through your mind on the Carousel, are you hurting too and does it run this deep?
8.
What Do You Want From Me 06:53
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What Do You Want From Me ©Jerry Axson You hang up the phone and curse my name, if looks could kill I guess that I’m in the frame, All my life - all my days - I’ve been someone else's - mule for trade... the son, worker, brother - it’s all the same... What do you want from me? what do you want from me? I’ve done my time, paid the price, I’m out of tricks and “good” advice - no more “magic” or “good” advice what do you want from me??? I’ve watched a slow parade of fools year after year, they took a piece of me every time they passed through here. All my songs - all my joy - washed away - into the void... and I don’t get them back again... Oooh - yeah...Oooh, Oooh, Oooh... make it clear, let it go - say it out loud so we both might know, what do you want from me??? this is all you get. there’s no more left - speak up now, get it off your chest, what do you want from me???
9.
Running With The Big Dogs 04:44
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Instrumental
10.
Love So Strange (Movement 1) 03:28
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Love So Strange (Movement 1) ©Jerry Axson After all those words you spoke, and the people you said them to, between the kissing and backbiting, not a line rings true, I keep a crack in my venetian blinds, just to check it out, you'd be surprised what you can see, when a full moon is out... (no doubt...) Take the money - it's a fare exchange, just leave me standing here... If this is love why does it feel so strange?, so cold and so unclear... I’ve heard about those secret passes, and the places you go to, just another night in the cage, dirty work but someone has to, I sleep alone because I choose so, not for fear or loss, stand up straight when they enter the room, the light reflects off your silver cross... (at what cost???)
11.
Glitters Like Gold (Movement 2) 07:31
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Glitters Like Gold (Movement 2) ©Jerry Axson You left me behind, a long time ago, and what did you find - you didn't already know? It glitters like gold, when you stare into it, you’re a little round peg, just aching to fit...Lord, you’re aching to fit... and you never will... So I messed up your plans, to get out of this town, you were aiming so high, couldn't see you were down, that’s when I opened my eyes, and took a good look at you, then something inside - told me that we were through...Yes, yes, we were through... bye, bye, baby... I lay wounded and spent, beneath a great Dogwood tree, I gazed up at the sun, and he smiled down on me, as the blossoms did fall, against a sky so blue, I took my release - now I’m free from you... Yes, I’m free from you... now I’m free from you... yes, I’m free from you...
12.
Love So Strange (Movement 3) 03:13
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Love So Strange (Movement 3) ©Jerry Axson I've got a friend in the industry, he keeps your name in a book, he placed a gold star next to it - you're worth a second look (look...) fever high and your blood runs chilled, it keeps the jackals away, your face is freshly pressed in a magazine - imagination comes in to play... (Hey, hey...) Take the money - it's a fare exchange, just leave me standing here... If this is love why does it feel so strange?, so cold and so unclear... EPITAPH: Let me see...... your real soul...... we’re the only two in this filthy room - it’s down to brass tacks baby - do what you came to do... you’re the product of an ancient civilization - built for mass production with no hesitation... sell your soul to some fashion rag in the dye - then you’ll limp to the wayside - just waiting to die... I’ll take the shadows most any day of the week - standing in the light like this - just gives me the creeps...

about

This project was one of the last done on my first generation DAW studio equipment powered by a Mac G4 and early generation AudioDesk software. Although the equipment was old the project itself turned out surprisingly well balanced from the recording process to the post production mix downs. The material was written as I recorded so the songs were fresh along with the ideas behind them. "Hearts Get Broken", "F Is For Fun", "Swirl Of Colors", and "Heart (Motion At Rest)" were all straight up pop rock songs that I crafted focusing on the instrument arrangement and placement with attention to the multi-track layering. "This Love So Far" was another pop song based on keyboard as the primary instrument. "River Too Wide (River Too Deep)" I always had a soft spot for, not sure why but I really liked the flow although maybe a bit too long but the ending was my favorite part so I could not bring myself to edit out much. "Lights On A Carousel" was a fascinating piece - written primarily on Harpsichord this one nearly wrote itself. I had the idea to let this one be a vocal driven song sung in unison on top of a carnival vibe which worked beautifully with the lyric and story of the song itself. "Running With The Big Dogs" came from a guitar lick I could not get out of my head so I recorded the music without lyrics and once finished I thought it came off best as an instrumental. This project closes with a trilogy that is the most complicated structuring and editing I've done to date. I wrote these three songs intentionally to flow together as one idea, ambitious yes but I learned a lot from this experience. "Love So Strange (Movement 1)" is the precursor that sets up the overall story being told of love, lust, and betrayal. That flows into “Glitters Like Gold (Movement 2)” which is a tempo slowdown complete with blues lead breaks and accordion accents where I turn the story around to an almost melancholy reflection on what possibly could have been if not for the betrayal and then a final surrender and release. "Love So Strange (Movement 3)” arises from the all-out fading jam at the end of Movement 2 where it completes the story arch with an “Epitaph” that boils it all down to bare basics in summation.

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released May 1, 2006

Jerry Axson

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Jerry Axson Columbia, South Carolina

To me simplicity is the root of all great thoughts. The secret thrill for me, the architect, is delivering that thought with unobtrusive complexity. Writing songs and composing music satisfy my soul and because of this I know exactly what I am designed to do, it’s just that simple. - Jerry Axson ... more

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